Bummed or not

I was sooo bummed today! The hyenas came out and my little full moon wolverines had me heading for the hills! I found out my daughter had too much partying at her Holiday school party and then kept snacking on her gingerbread house while I wasn't watching. Massive chaos insued and I think I earned a mom merit badge today for making it (my house didn't)! Whew! They also must be ansy about Christmas as well. We're moving it up a day... we can't wait especially because we're doing Christmas here and then over at my hubby's parental unit's home... too much for one day.

I also have had mixed emotions about telling this as I don't want to bum ya'll out as well. My husband's grandma of 89 years is probably going to pass away soon. She has stopped eating and has no desire to go to the doctor. Her health has many issues as well. Her eldest son has tried telling her to eat or he is going to have a feeding tube put in. She doesn't want one and I think we should go with her wishes. I've just been asking what we can do to make her as comfortable as possible.

It's a little hard for me because I have memories about when I sang semi-professionally; we were at this hospice singing one Christmas to the residents when one person passed away mid-song. His family was all there holding his hand and nodded for us to continue. It was so hard to keep composure as the monitor was turned off and the family wept. They told us that we were the best gift they could have ever ask for. I still remember the exact song we sang, "What Child Is This?" when he passed on. It's hard to have those memories refreshed. I'm going to miss his grandma; she's so cute and feisty. I know it is her time and she has passed this life's tests and is sooo excited to see her husband on the other side. I'm just bummed that she won't be here to see our little angel from Taiwan. I guess she's just meant to take care of her before she comes here to Earth. My maternal grandma passed away on my daughter's baby shower and that was bittersweet as well. It's just that everytime people pass on, it just brings up all the memories of those who I can't see for now.

My husband's other Grandfather has Lymphoma cancer as well. He has cysts on his pancreas and somehow was born with two livers. I guess that is what kept him alive for so long as he drinks about a liter of Vodka a day. He's also a bit stubborn as well. His wife is a breast cancer survivor twice and confides in me often because I am fairly level-headed about all this. But who do I confide in when it has become such a sad burden for me to bear. I'm trying to be strong about all this for my children and my family but right now, I just want to enjoy Christmas and not think about this. So I breakdown on you. A quiet helpful ear who have been understanding about all my adoption wackiness. So for the first times probably ever, you've seen me sad. I hope this is not too much on you and won't bum you out on your Holidays... I just needed a friend. Thank you guys! Love ya! Sara