2 baby showers down & two weddings to go... also conquered a lingerie shower, family visits, trip to AZ after finishing a week of finals for college, and raising 4 kids & two pups & keeping track of hubby! Now on to a wedding reception this weekend, anniversary over Memorial Day Weekend (12 years!... I think if I am subtracting correctly this late at night), a neice being born beginning of June, another neice & grandnephew in July. Alright!!! Surviving with style!
I know I bombed at writing more often. I think I promise because I despise breaking promises.... my kids always know that and try to make me promise to things like ice cream when I'm not paying attention (sneaky!!). I did finish my classes and received 100% in Political Science and 97.9% in math... ok not too happy that I didn't receive 100%... it was because the final was on a pc & the answers I gave were correct but not in the pc acceptable rounded format grrr. Perfectionist anyone?
I also said I would be more blunt. Yes, here is some of what I had rolling around in my head the last year or two. When Milana came home, I noticed my time was spent really being mom, which it was supposed to be. I also found that I started to think about what I would post all night long ... all the things I would write about, but morning would come & the thoughts were gone. I wanted to make grand gestures for momentous occasions but found myself needing to keep things within the family. How was I supposed to blog about feelings and thoughts and their significant meanings when I didn't even understand them myself. I knew if I wrote, the next day or week, I would feel completely different. I came to find that my family dynamics had changed so much that I didn't know what was up and what was down. One minute things were going smoothly and then when I thought, "ok, I can report about my events"... a boom would hit. My children were all adjusting and going through powerful waves of adjustments.
Now all kids go through phases... but these were over the top phases. Ones that I don't know if I'll ever be able to explain. I've learned a huge amount of patience... but the one person I don't have enough patience for is myself. I started taking on too much... telling myself constantly that "I had time"... like Mr. Incredible who ends up being late for his wedding. I never thought I would see the day that I was disorganized.... it's here. I'm learning to accept it (for the time being while the kids are young).
I can't imagine our life without Milana... she is an absolute ray of sunshine & a bolt of lightening, beautiful to see but almost impossible to explain or catch & sometimes harness that power. She has brought so much "life" to our family. I have seen huge growth and enriching thoughts come from our children as they have grown together. The children are inseparable and fiercely look out for, protect and love each other. They fight and make up like other children but there is something magical when they discuss openly observations they have made. They have brought Milana into this world of discussing feelings & "talking back" (grrr) & learning ogre mom is tamed by explaining what you were doing (haha).
This is all off-the-cuff and me talking while sleepy....better now than not at all. So thankful for the insight I've gained because of being a mother. I never imagined all the things I would have learned when I first started this journey. I hope maybe by writing some down... I can leave some hints to help fellow moms & parents. 11 years of being mom...& barely scratching the surface :)