Being Reflective

I like this picture of Honey. I created it from a video of her. It just shows her sweet self.
Lately, I have had much in my life to be reflective about. My cousin who had been in a car accident 3 weeks ago passed away this last Monday. An elderly woman had a stroke while driving and my dear cousin Honey just happened to have been in the way. The funeral was yesterday and was hard especially to see her daughters crying for hours. Her two girls perked up when I showed them pictures of the Hannah Montana concert that I attended with my daughter. It was nice to have them smile at least once that day; I just wanted to curl up with them, read them bedtime stories, rock them to sleep and just hold them. Honey was an amazing 33 year old mom, O.R. nurse, wife, family member and friend. She was quite protective especially of her family and quite gorgeous as well. I'm hoping to make a scrapbook for her daughters portraying her life... I've never done one but I at least have to try. She was an organ donor which surprisingly started the healing process a lot quicker for me than I thought; to know that she is helping countless more lives even in death is just her style and such an amazing thing. Truthfully, I know my grief is only because I was left behind which is where I want to be right now, but it still hurts.

My thoughts are fragmented lately and even though I'm feeling a lot more like myself, I'm different somehow. I was a bit angry earlier these past few weeks, whether stress or whatever... I'm now starting to feel a lot better. I'm feeling pretty good now, more calm and patient and strangely kinda numb. I went shopping with the children today and spent an hour and a half in the store (most of which was chasing the children) and didn't once get flustered. I absolutely thought it was so funny... I could not keep up with the kids and didn't give a flying hoot! People in the store must have thought I had patience of steel (or just nuts) when in reality I just was cherishing the moment because of what little time I had with Honey. I'm just going to sit back and watch for a while and let the kiddos drive. Of course, I'm going to be a very involved parent (slacker parenting is never an option) but when involvement isn't necessary... I'm just going to enjoy the show.

Honey, I'm going to miss you but know that we'll see you again. Until then, watch over us and we'll help watch over your girls. And sorry Honey, I think they don't have treadmills in Heaven... maybe you can have them installed (she loved running on those things). My last memory of you was at Christmas dinner when I was sitting, talking with family; I felt something on my head and turned around to see your butt! Without thinking I started tracing the pink diamond "bebe" written on the seat of your jeans; you turned around and died laughing to see my face on your bum. The family seemed to think we had just lost our minds. At least you always understand my quirkiness. You are so loved and while I'll miss you so much... I know you'll do great at the job you have in Heaven. Is this like a promotion? I have so many questions and memories to still make with you. See you again one day. Love ya always and forever!

Happy Birthday Mommy! And Dr. Martin Luther King

Today is my mommy's birthday and also Dr. King's birthday. We've always celebrated both in my home growing up. It was always nice to have a holiday for my mother. So I love you Mom and thank you for raising ten children but still looking like you're twenty! You deserve the biggest castle and many servants although if I know you, you'd end up serving them. I would not be the mother, wife and person I am today without you. You are the most loving, selfless amazing person I've ever known. Pictures are of my Mom around 25 and also at the zoo feeding wild birds (she looks a little afraid... that bird was a meanie). Notice the blue, Titanic ring on her pinkie... my daughter Nika gave that to her and she stuck it on her key ring for a long time until it broke and was lost. I owe her one because she was so devastated that it broke. If anyone knows where to find those... let me know.

Superman

I thought you'd enjoy a post al-a Jadyn. She thinks my son's superman costume is Spiderman and loves to have it on ALL the time... funny thing is... it is a size 4 to 7 in boys! We have to roll it everywhere. The bottom picture is of her sucking on her toes on the way to Disneyland! Today, I couldn't find her... if you can't find her... OH NO! I came around the corner of my bathroom and there she was with a small comb that is an attachment to my husband's clippers (shavers) and she decided it was a toothbrush. Not only was it a toothbrush, but she was dipping it in the toliet and using that water to brush her teeth!!! I was beyond grossed out and about to laugh my head off but knew it would only enforce the behaviour. So I had to bite my tongue with tears in my eyes of stifled laughter... clean up, hope she doesn't get sick, then go in the other room and die laughing. I thought the day that my daughter Nika ate her toe-jam when she was 3 riding in our car was pretty bad but this took the cake. For Nika, toe jam was a one time thing, she kept gagging, but with Jadyn, she just kept brushing! Oh what can you do but laugh. =0)

The dog smells like cow feet!

My family was eating lunch today and I had to place my puppy Appa in his kennel because he was begging too much. When I did, I noticed how he needed a bath with a "Oh Appa you stink!" My daughter says, "Yeah mama, he stinks like cow feet!" haha I died laughing and said he does. My husband says, "How in the world do you know what cow feet smell like?!" He's been chewing on cow hooves and how funny is it that my daughter made the connection!

Kids say the funniest things. When she started school in first grade, I was a little concerned about her hearing (not being exposed to) words about drugs that she had never heard before. So I started my talk and explained that they have many names that may sound innocent and okay but they aren't. I rattled off a list of a few names when she stopped me... "momma, you forgot pan!" "Oh honey, there is no pan." "Yes there is Mom." "No there isn't sweetie." "Yes, there is. You know like Pots and Pans, Duh!" haha Here I am nervous because this is one of "those" conversations and she turned it into a hilarious memorable moment of such innocence that I'll never forget. She helped open the way to talk to her about so many more things because I realized how easy and accepting these little ones are.

Another funny thing was when she told her principal that she wanted to eat fruit instead of candy because she doesn't want Diabetes. She's 7 and one day asked me what Diabetes was because she heard it on a Disney show once. I explained and didn't think she understood as well as she did. I'm working on explaining moderation now so she understands a little once in a while is okay but not as a meal or all day. I just don't want her to end up Willy Wonka... no candy ever.

My kids love broccoli and in some children's books they talk about hating broccoli. I always change it to love broccoli. Now that my daughter knows how to read, she always covers her mouth with two hands when we get to the "hate broccoli" part. She's afraid she'll blurt out.... It doesn't say that, it says hate; and then the others will start questioning the greatness that is broccoli.

I honestly am amazed at these little people. You know that you will always love your children, but I really like mine too! I mean, I like them as people, as individuals. They are the coolest people I've ever met and am honored to get to hang out with them everyday. One of my favorite parts is that when growing up, I was always a little embarrassed to look a little to long at beautiful people and yet when you get to be a mom, you get to stare at the most beautiful people in the world everyday and not feel weird! It's great! For every mom out there, waiting for it to happen, it will and you will be great. Motherhood is the best... just hang in there, It WILL happen for you.