Being Reflective

I like this picture of Honey. I created it from a video of her. It just shows her sweet self.
Lately, I have had much in my life to be reflective about. My cousin who had been in a car accident 3 weeks ago passed away this last Monday. An elderly woman had a stroke while driving and my dear cousin Honey just happened to have been in the way. The funeral was yesterday and was hard especially to see her daughters crying for hours. Her two girls perked up when I showed them pictures of the Hannah Montana concert that I attended with my daughter. It was nice to have them smile at least once that day; I just wanted to curl up with them, read them bedtime stories, rock them to sleep and just hold them. Honey was an amazing 33 year old mom, O.R. nurse, wife, family member and friend. She was quite protective especially of her family and quite gorgeous as well. I'm hoping to make a scrapbook for her daughters portraying her life... I've never done one but I at least have to try. She was an organ donor which surprisingly started the healing process a lot quicker for me than I thought; to know that she is helping countless more lives even in death is just her style and such an amazing thing. Truthfully, I know my grief is only because I was left behind which is where I want to be right now, but it still hurts.

My thoughts are fragmented lately and even though I'm feeling a lot more like myself, I'm different somehow. I was a bit angry earlier these past few weeks, whether stress or whatever... I'm now starting to feel a lot better. I'm feeling pretty good now, more calm and patient and strangely kinda numb. I went shopping with the children today and spent an hour and a half in the store (most of which was chasing the children) and didn't once get flustered. I absolutely thought it was so funny... I could not keep up with the kids and didn't give a flying hoot! People in the store must have thought I had patience of steel (or just nuts) when in reality I just was cherishing the moment because of what little time I had with Honey. I'm just going to sit back and watch for a while and let the kiddos drive. Of course, I'm going to be a very involved parent (slacker parenting is never an option) but when involvement isn't necessary... I'm just going to enjoy the show.

Honey, I'm going to miss you but know that we'll see you again. Until then, watch over us and we'll help watch over your girls. And sorry Honey, I think they don't have treadmills in Heaven... maybe you can have them installed (she loved running on those things). My last memory of you was at Christmas dinner when I was sitting, talking with family; I felt something on my head and turned around to see your butt! Without thinking I started tracing the pink diamond "bebe" written on the seat of your jeans; you turned around and died laughing to see my face on your bum. The family seemed to think we had just lost our minds. At least you always understand my quirkiness. You are so loved and while I'll miss you so much... I know you'll do great at the job you have in Heaven. Is this like a promotion? I have so many questions and memories to still make with you. See you again one day. Love ya always and forever!