Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Baby Restriction

Okay... mama and baby restriction. Yesterday, Jadyn gave me a wake-up slap so soon after, she was put "on restriction". Sounds odd but it can be done. She no longer has free range if she is down; she has to hold my hand (oh the tears of her hand being stuck are lovely but necessary) or she has to go in mama's arms. Second, we spent a half hour playing a game called, "Tell mama where you are going." I'd say, "Jade, are you going somewhere? To the bathroom? To your room?" She'd reply yes and we'd clap. This morning when we dropped off my son at his preschool, she asked to go play but I said no because she had run off and didn't tell mom. She was sad but didn't fuss too much because I've been telling her since yesterday that she couldn't go out.

I'm simply pleased to announce a breakthrough today! Much sooner than I expected. She was at the bank with me and tried to wander so I quickly called out "I am lost" and she came running back. Next she tapped me on the leg and said, "Mama? May I peas go sit on couch right there... just right there?" Hooray!!! Of course she'll have set-backs but this is exciting and I haven't even read the children's books yet about strangers etc. Whew... keep plunking away at it right?! She's a strong-willed one but Mama doesn't play games with this subject. Wish us luck!

Sweet story: At the bank today, I was getting a cashier's check for the final payment to my agency and when I handed over who to make the check out too, the cashier asked if I was adopting. When I replied yes, she said softly, "I was adopted when I was 18 months" and smiled at me, which I replied that our daughter is 18 months. I teared up and then it was her turn so here we are in the middle of the bank smiling and crying at each other. She is such a lovely girl and we choked back tears long enough to get a conversation out about why adoption, etc. We even messed up the check and had to re-do it because we were more interested in each other than the check. It's special to meet people who have been touched by adoption; can't explain it. Just sometimes an instant understanding forms.

There is this housekeeper at my husband's work who is from Thailand (sweet elderly lady) who one day stopped my husband because she hadn't seen him for a while and wanted to see how he was. He proceeded to show her the photo of Milana and she asked why, etc. She was so thrilled not only because we were adopting but because she understands both sides of it. She once made the choice for a child she had born in Thailand many years earlier (unwed & she said that if the birthfather didn't want to support them, the girls basically didn't have many options but to make a choice for adoption). She has since moved to America, married and had two sons, but she always thinks of her little one. She said that seeing our family adopting this little girl gives her hope & comfort for the child she couldn't keep. Of course, I cried when my husband told me this bittersweet story as well. I tear up a lot.

I know that adoption has a very complicated weaving and it can be excruciatingly painful; no matter what, I always feel for the birth-giver and could never imagine the feelings that one must go through when they find themselves making this choice. I feel for the child and what they have lost and then gained almost against their will. But I know that adoption is a higher purpose because when a child cannot stay in their first arrangement given at birth, then all children are more than deserving of a loving home. My family has the least to lose in all this. We receive such an amazing person to grace our lives and give us everything she is and more. We receive joy beyond measure, love, trials, and sacrifice & the greatest ultimate gift of being a forever family with all our children and extended family & friends. We can only hope to give back not only love but everything Milana needs and all our children need to grow, flourish, love and be loved, find forgiveness, and ultimate joy through charity, good works, divine nature, and the Lord. I can only hope I will be what God sees in me and be a intune mother and guide them the way He has shown.

Oh how hard on ourselves are we at times. I posted the post about Jadyn escaping waiting for posters to berate me because of my oops, but instead no one did. I figured no matter what was said, no one could be harder on me than myself so I actually wished to be punished. Strange huh? I guess I have to learn the same thing of forgiving myself of my imperfections when I've done something wrong... I'm sure others can relate.

Okay I am now just using you all who read as my journal... hope you don't mind! ;0)

Make it a great one!!! I try not to say "Have a great day." because only you can make it that way even when it's deplorable. Okay, does anyone else hear the Monty Python's "Holy Grail" Always Look On the Bright Side of Life? Whistle with me. he he

9 comments:

Ramona said...

I'm really losing it these days - never saw a post about Jadyn (BTW LOVE HER NAME) *escaping* and I read your blog all the time! My son once *escaped* (can never ever say I lost him) and I've forgotten that horrible feeling. It actually heightened my awareness so I feel very lucky to have gotten such an awesome 2nd chance.

Love the stories about the bank and the housekeeper. Made me choke up!

Andrea said...

Well done, Sofa!

Andrea

Sarah k said...

It sounds like wonderful progress Sara! And I dare anyone to berate my Sara! NO WAY! You are a darling and wonderful mom with only the most love, respect and care for her little ones! Doo doo happens chicka dee! I know of all people you know that.. but as your "second Sarah" I must tell you this during times like this! I love you and NO ONE is going to berate you! I am proud of your intuition and the way you have dealt with the situation!! Mommy on my friend! You are awesome at it!

Sarah k.
Taiwankiddo2.blogspot.com

QingLu Mama said...

I like the "I am lost" idea, kinda puts her in charge. And you know we all have oops's, it's how you make it better that counts.
Your stories about adoption are great... isn't it amazing that once you've been touched by it your world changes. Good luck!
Jennifer (fellow JOH'er)

Louanne said...

Oh my, that housekeeper story had me in tears. Thanks for sharing.

momwithfaithandhope said...

What a great post. Love the lessons you're teaching Jadyn, and boy those are two touching stories. You're not tearing up alone Sara/Sofa! Hugs, Tiff

Steve n Coco said...

Thanks so much for your transparency-- I love that you write all that you do, from hilarious to downright tear-jerkers.

I was really touched when you said, "My family has the least to lose in all this." I have been grasping for a way to put that for so long. You are right! When you think about adoption, there is so much LOSS that has to happen before the gain. Anyone who says that the child is so "lucky" to have been "saved" is wrong-- WE are the lucky ones. WE have been/are going to be blessed by someone else's loss (not to mention the child's loss). Thanks for sharing, I have something to think about for the rest of the day... :)
Be blessed,
Courtney
p.s. HOW COOL that the woman who works with your husband shared that story with him! I am so hungry for stories like this, I cannot even tell you!

lorabelle said...

I love reading your blog... You are so real and open with your thoughts. We have had a child take off on us too. It wasn't with me, but it happened to my husband and I don't think he has ever really forgiven himself. He did however learn a very valuable lesson and everything turned out alright and Coen was found unharmed, just really frightend...unfortunately, it really does happen even when we think that it won't happen to us. Please don't beat yourself up too badly... I'm so glad that everything turned out okay! Those little monkeys!
Loved hearing about your day at the bank. How rewarding in more ways than one... It's amazing the people who touch our lives during the adoption process. I can't tell you all of the remarkable stories people have shared with me and visa versa!
Lora

The Family K. said...

There's a lot of great content in this post. I especially appreciated your thoughts on adoption loss and gain.

So glad your little gal was found. I know that scary feeling well myself and never want to know it again.