Baby Restriction

Okay... mama and baby restriction. Yesterday, Jadyn gave me a wake-up slap so soon after, she was put "on restriction". Sounds odd but it can be done. She no longer has free range if she is down; she has to hold my hand (oh the tears of her hand being stuck are lovely but necessary) or she has to go in mama's arms. Second, we spent a half hour playing a game called, "Tell mama where you are going." I'd say, "Jade, are you going somewhere? To the bathroom? To your room?" She'd reply yes and we'd clap. This morning when we dropped off my son at his preschool, she asked to go play but I said no because she had run off and didn't tell mom. She was sad but didn't fuss too much because I've been telling her since yesterday that she couldn't go out.

I'm simply pleased to announce a breakthrough today! Much sooner than I expected. She was at the bank with me and tried to wander so I quickly called out "I am lost" and she came running back. Next she tapped me on the leg and said, "Mama? May I peas go sit on couch right there... just right there?" Hooray!!! Of course she'll have set-backs but this is exciting and I haven't even read the children's books yet about strangers etc. Whew... keep plunking away at it right?! She's a strong-willed one but Mama doesn't play games with this subject. Wish us luck!

Sweet story: At the bank today, I was getting a cashier's check for the final payment to my agency and when I handed over who to make the check out too, the cashier asked if I was adopting. When I replied yes, she said softly, "I was adopted when I was 18 months" and smiled at me, which I replied that our daughter is 18 months. I teared up and then it was her turn so here we are in the middle of the bank smiling and crying at each other. She is such a lovely girl and we choked back tears long enough to get a conversation out about why adoption, etc. We even messed up the check and had to re-do it because we were more interested in each other than the check. It's special to meet people who have been touched by adoption; can't explain it. Just sometimes an instant understanding forms.

There is this housekeeper at my husband's work who is from Thailand (sweet elderly lady) who one day stopped my husband because she hadn't seen him for a while and wanted to see how he was. He proceeded to show her the photo of Milana and she asked why, etc. She was so thrilled not only because we were adopting but because she understands both sides of it. She once made the choice for a child she had born in Thailand many years earlier (unwed & she said that if the birthfather didn't want to support them, the girls basically didn't have many options but to make a choice for adoption). She has since moved to America, married and had two sons, but she always thinks of her little one. She said that seeing our family adopting this little girl gives her hope & comfort for the child she couldn't keep. Of course, I cried when my husband told me this bittersweet story as well. I tear up a lot.

I know that adoption has a very complicated weaving and it can be excruciatingly painful; no matter what, I always feel for the birth-giver and could never imagine the feelings that one must go through when they find themselves making this choice. I feel for the child and what they have lost and then gained almost against their will. But I know that adoption is a higher purpose because when a child cannot stay in their first arrangement given at birth, then all children are more than deserving of a loving home. My family has the least to lose in all this. We receive such an amazing person to grace our lives and give us everything she is and more. We receive joy beyond measure, love, trials, and sacrifice & the greatest ultimate gift of being a forever family with all our children and extended family & friends. We can only hope to give back not only love but everything Milana needs and all our children need to grow, flourish, love and be loved, find forgiveness, and ultimate joy through charity, good works, divine nature, and the Lord. I can only hope I will be what God sees in me and be a intune mother and guide them the way He has shown.

Oh how hard on ourselves are we at times. I posted the post about Jadyn escaping waiting for posters to berate me because of my oops, but instead no one did. I figured no matter what was said, no one could be harder on me than myself so I actually wished to be punished. Strange huh? I guess I have to learn the same thing of forgiving myself of my imperfections when I've done something wrong... I'm sure others can relate.

Okay I am now just using you all who read as my journal... hope you don't mind! ;0)

Make it a great one!!! I try not to say "Have a great day." because only you can make it that way even when it's deplorable. Okay, does anyone else hear the Monty Python's "Holy Grail" Always Look On the Bright Side of Life? Whistle with me. he he