Before Surgery & Thoughts & Some Pics

They totally did the "slow motion run to each other across the grass and hug" move and I didn't have the camera on video mode.

Here Milana! You Kick Like This!!

This is one of my favorites because it looks like Kole is pulling Milana's hair. He is actually explaining the dynamics of "how to do a jedi force punch." I'm not sure if he made this move up or not.

Oh! My Bubbles!

Are you not turtle-y enough for the turtle club?
Before surgery. I often wonder what she can see. I once asked her and pointed, "Is this the eye you are looking at me with?" She jumped and then laughed and said yes.
Thank you Sarah for the lemonade dress... this child definitely makes lovely life lemonade. P.S.Milana really likes to point and ask for this dress almost everyday.

Today is a choking back the tears day. Tomorrow, Milana's eye muscles for her strabismus will be repositioned. Four months ago tomorrow, Milana walked off a plane, onto American soil, and into our home and hearts. I have seen such growth from all of us. Some tremendous amounts of patience has grown from a tree we didn't know existed. Some more buds of patience continue to grow. A tree of deep soul-searching and deep unconditional love is growing from each of us in different ways and amazingly at different rates. When one of us is weak, the others carry the weight to keep the family going, and most often the person who is faltering. The enrichment this little one has given our lives is something special. It's funny how perspective can give you a heavy dose of what is real and what is your reality.

Perspective. Today, I am quite a bit more patient with the children. Knowing of the surgery to come can do that. I will wake up tomorrow at 5 am, off to the surgery center at 6 am, surgery is at 7:30. I will bundle a still sleeping Milana who I have told about the surgery, shown pictures, and role played a little, but she is still a very oblivious little one who trusts me so much to protect her. I am nervous about her being scared most of all. I am going to ask them to give her a sedative before they separate us... I think it's more for me. Will I feel this way tomorrow? Scared, nervous, hopeful and strangely calm that we will have a helpful outcome.Don't know. I know I won't feel this way even months from now. That's perspective. Hindsight. Life.

That's what happens. I know that I have been guilty of not having fresh perspective, when my nerves are worn and the children are "extra exploratory with brain challenges". This life is all about learning. Tomorrow, my world will not be black and white as a memory or photo, but in full action color. I must love this little girl because man, my heart is breaking a bit. I know it is important for her to have this surgery, but when you are the one experiencing the helplessness of letting others do work on your child, whew... self-restraint and composure... where are you. Wish us well, keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Funny, I know my family is strong-willed which I think I may hold the crown... often to prevent mutiny, I must remember to breathe and let life be. As strong willed as Milana is, I have always been told by my mother, You must be stronger. But I know when it comes to coping skills, Milana has us all beat. I stand amazed at her strength to endure. I am often reminded by Donnie when I worry about her, "She can handle it. She is a tough girl." So tomorrow, she will be fine, I will have been have been taught another lesson in life by my two-year old. Everything you need to know in life, your children will teach you.

So I Was Wrong and the Sickness Ain't Gone

Give me an "S". Give me a "W". Give me an "I", give me an "N" give me an "E" and come here SOOO WEEE. That gastro stuff in the Southern post was the beginnings of H1N1. We're alright. In fact the kids have been the best. Milana was the least sick of all, which makes me wonder if this flu actually was around a lot longer than they are saying and she had it in Taiwan. She barely got gastro and barely got weak and less hungry 2 days. Donnie and I were beat down with the sick stick the last month pretty much. We're suspected the swine flu but didn't get tested and just kept plugging along until we ran into our old neighbor who works for our Pediatrics offices. She's had it for a month too and we basically laughed and commiserated over our misfortunate (spell check says I made up misfortunate) symptoms. She was tested and she is positive we have it.

All in all, we didn't get it too badly... we have all the symptoms they posted on the websites with a few of the (you should rush to the dr. immediately ones), like hubby wheezing. I was more annoyed with the sucker because life keeps going and so do my well kids. Mostly, we were insanely sleepy and lethargic. Headaches that were cruel punishment came out of nowhere and this evil pain in my neck couldn't be controlled by any pain meds I had. I had to start drinking a 1/4 RockStar for the headache and to actually care for kids instead of just zone out with meat defrosting in my hand while I made lunch. It's a bit brutal with the "keeps on coming back" factor but I've seen some nasty sicknesses and I wouldn't label this the worst...knock on word and say a prayer. This thing isn't over yet, but we are doing better each day. Yesterday was yucky... today will be better... I'm determined.

Catching up: Milana received her results a bit back about her kidneys. No Surgery!!! She does have a bladder that is twice the size of a child's her age, which the doctor (who is Chinese) believes was caused by prematurely potty-training a bladder that wasn't ready (it is more Chinese custom to potty-train early... which for Milana being a preemie... wasn't medically appropriate). She doesn't have much feeling anymore because of how she was taught to hold it, so we have to teach her to relax her bladder muscles. Poor thing has an involuntary shiver as the sign she has to go. But we are thankful she doesn't have reflux. We are in the monitoring stage.

Her eye surgery is next Monday. She will have 4 eyes muscles relocated at 7:30 a.m. I am trying not to get nervous... trying to stay calm and so thankful I don't have to worry about the flu attacking us right before her surgery.

Nika made Honor Choir at her school which I am so pleased she tried out. Even if she didn't make it, I know how hard auditions are so I am sooo tickled pink that she did it. She loves choir... even if it means off to school an hour earlier.

Kole is a reading maniac! The teacher says he is at a 2nd/3rd grade level. I went to school Friday to help (yes, my sickness is on a loll and I can control the symptoms with no harm to anyone) and these 4th graders came in to read to the K's. I hear the teachers say, "Oh my that's perfect" as they lead Kole to his 4th grader, a tall fair sweet Spanish only speaking child. So here you have this picture of a small Kindergarten student reading and explaining about fire safety to this older child, hunched over intently devouring everything Kole says with amazement. Then Kole preceded to take him by the hand and lead him around the room talking and pointing to all the colors and words around the K room! Perfect for both of them. Now, I'm contemplating asking to tutor this young man as he has zero English comprehension.

Jadyn is just absorbing Milana. Although Jadyn's speech has reverted a little, she and Milana are doing well as they are the ones not at school. Jadyn is starting to learn to read and we are working on writing letters as well. Milana doesn't want to be left out at all so she is full-force absorbing everything! Literally! She's starting sentences. Ok, so I may be the only one understanding her, but I LOVE it. I'm writing about both at once, because they have this love/dislike thing going but they always like to be together. I do make Jadyn have alone time though as you can tell once she is there... she is relishing it.

Milana had her Early Childhood assessment and ... she doesn't qualify! 2 months ago when I made the appt.... she definitely needed therapy. Now, after 2 months of English language, American culture, 3 rowdy kids and 2 parents at her beck and call... she is on target with a small delay in gross skills which I have tips on how to work with. She is at 27 to 30 months. Her actual age is 29 months. I will test her again at age 3 in case her sounds are not coming in the way we'd like to hear or in case her gross motor skills stall, but until then, we just keeping doing what we're doing because I guess it's working?! Alot is her and alot is that she is extremely bright and didn't have much exposure (the therapists think so).

Oh and we had our post-placement about a month and a half ago too. Milana was on her best best behavior which surprised me and I had to tell the social worker that. The social worker thought that she is always super well-behaved which made me laugh. She is a sweet girl and wants to behave, but wanting and doing are two different things. ;0) I think all went well as we don't get the report in this state. Our agency seemed content, so I guess all is well. Mostly, you just tell them how things are going and background info.

Well, gotta go... I hear the elephants stampeding above me as they wake up for the day. Pictures will be soon.

Ok, so I had to go back and add pictures because I just realized my 11 yr first date anniversary just passed by and hubby and I were so busy, we missed it! We've been making sure to still get our date night... small as it may be at times. HaPpY AnNiVeRsArY Love! On Halloween, he asked me to marry him... well it was pretty funny because it was a surprise on both our parts... we hadn't planned it at all. It was Halloween and he told me he wanted to be with me forever. I asked, with a brow furrow, "Uh did you just ask me to marry you?" His answer, "I think I did." My answer, "Ok". The next day... I asked... were you serious? 8 months later, we were married. 11 yrs, four kids later... absolutely inseparably meant to be. Crazy people in Love. And yeah, if you do the math... decided to get married in less than a month. ha ha Met on a blind date years earlier but I was on one with his best friend (who hit me with a four-wheeler that day... yeah, date not so good). Thank goodness for that date.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIt5lGhFyE0

Gasteroenteritis Sucks

Milana Loving All Over Daddy's Famous Sugar Cookies!
Only the Cookie Monster recipe from 1970's will do.


Stomach flu, gastero whatever... it all sucks. Kole was basically annihilated for over a week (poor thing)... then no one got it for a week. I thought, what an awesome house keeper I am... then Milana (barely... she must have one tough immune system), then Nika (she got it bad), then Jadyn barely and now me... I've been barely dragging myself around the house the last couple days. Stomach Bug GO AAAAAAWWAAAAYYYYY! hmmmph.

We've still been having fun though... can't stop that in my house. I'll post pics later when I'm not so sick. {grumble grumble grumble}

Channeling Famke

Absolutely by accident, my hair is purple. ha ha I decided to dye my own hair, which I've done many times before but not in the last 7 or 8 years. I know how to mix dye, do foils and highlights etc. so I though no big... I'll go down to the same supply store I've gone to for years and buy some dye. I picked "Truffle"... it's supposed to be a brown (the bottle says "Mega Browns!") with some red hues. hee hee... Hubby helped dye it Purple!

It's not bad and I kinda like it.... unexpected as it was... but not bad. I feel like Famke...Phoenix/Jean from X-men. I think I may just like to say Famke's name... everytime I say it, Donnie goes "Who?!" The pictures don't show the true nature of the purple, even though I tried taking a couple. The younger children didn't even notice but Nika was shocked walking out of her school when she saw mom.

Here's something funny. I have a big red purse from Brighton (if you know Brighton... you know that the collection is sometimes, well, bright). Milana has a book from Taiwan with Teletubbies... Milana calls the purple one with the red purse, "Mama." ha ha Never imagined aspiring to be a Teletubbie.

Time for a quick video

See what happens when you try to take pictures with these kids. Great job Nika... you fit all the squirrels in!

Scream along with us! it's fun!

Okay! Seriously, who doesn't melt at this pj sisterly love pic?

Nika's Mad Fashion Skill: Who said polka dots, stripes, stars and hearts never match?
First Day of School.

Quickly wanted to show some of the sillyness we love!

School Today and other things

Milana realizing the joy of making brownies for the first time!

Off to church! Tisra... those babies legs are awesome, especially during cold church!

Yard work with the kids.




Haha! Another cool bug we found that was super shiny green. This one is funny because Nika is scared of bugs and she is actually about 3 feet away. She pretended to eat it as I was snapping a shot.

Spiderman could only wish to be this cute!

Today is the first day of school for Nika and Kole. Kindergarten for my handsome man and 4th for my Nika buns. Whew... even though I'm very excited for them and every milestone they reach... it just means they are also growing up which of course kinda bums me out. Jadyn wants soooo badly to go to school, which is heart-wrenching for me because I want to yell... NO! Stay with me longer! New school this year so both kids have about the same nerves. Wish us well!

Quiet Strength: Milana was an inspiration this last week. She has been to doctor appointments about every Thursday since we arrived home. Urologists, Opthalmologists and Gasteroenterologists... oh my! Say that 3x fast running down the yellow brick road. Milana knew what was going on at the VCUG and ultrasound of her kidneys and I didn't know. She had gone through it quite a few times from what myself, her papers and the doctors and nurses could tell. They said that whatever they did in Taiwan to comfort her worked very well, because she did amazing.

I kept trying to stay calm and be her rock, and she gave these sad frowns that just melted my heart, but her eyes stayed locked on mine and she held me hand. She did everything I asked to stay calm.... breathe deeply, relax her legs when I said soft and rubbed them, sing twinkle twinkle little star, watch Spongebob on Gameboy. I am in awe and so inspired by this little girl. She had to have had this strength to make it through all she has, but I have never been a witness to it before. She did whimper and every now and then started to cry but she was such a trooper. Sad thing is, this was done many times and she never has had reflux which we didn't find out until the procedure was over. The doctor said, this never had to be repeated in Taiwan or here if we had been told she didn't have reflux. I had many emotions over that. I wept as we drove home. The nurse mentioned, "I am so glad that you two paired up." Unequivally YES! At home, Milana wanted extra cuddles and was sooo soo glad to see Nika, Kole, Jadyn, Daddy and Mom and our home. She kept asking about home and everyone during the procedure and especially on the way home. She forced herself to stay awake on the drive to make sure she went home. Wow... these children continue to amaze me everyday.

Well, have to run... I know I promised these posts but motherhood calls a lot louder and with fingers pressing the spacebar as I type a lot more often. ;0) I have gotten to read others posts and commenting is a luxury. I do have to say thank you for all the nice things that were said about me two posts ago. I couldn't be here as a mother without all of you as I read your posts and share our joys and sadness... as you all get me to strive to do well in life. So I am surely not Mother of the Year, without you all being ones too. I am inspired by your stories and every time I read, I get more ideas to share the fun of life with my kiddos. I don't do compliments well, but that one made me feel really happy so I'm not going to say "no I'm not" either! ha ha

Bits of Funnies

Warning: this post is just sillyness and includes, KungFu, betel nut homeless, tattoos, muscles, pigeons, MOMO, urologists and Chinese Dorm boys.

First up: Our daughter came complete with some Kung Fu. We were at the hotel in Taiwan and I said, Hi ya (as in hello) and our dear little Milana comes running with a full side kick screaming High YAH! She still does. I know it's stereotypical but it is comical.

Cell phone ringtones in Taiwan: I was wandering around when I noticed no one there had downloaded songs for their cell phones. The silent library of a packed MRT was filled with stock cell phone rings. I seem to be the only one in America with a stock ring and I often get made fun of... there, I was one of the majority.

Betel Nut Homeless People: Here we had just picked up Milana and stepped off the highspeed rail. We made our way to the subway and as we were trying to find the correct line, we stepped on the wrong elevator. It was one with double doors and I accidentally was facing the wrong door. Exhausted from the day, I was mentally slow and when the back door opened, my husband stepped out with the luggage and I turned around to see the door close and a glimpse of my husband outside who knows where, looking slightly frightened.

Now I'm panicking. Alone on an elevator, he has the money, the passports, the cell phones, MRT passes and I have Milana and no idea where he is. As soon as the doors landed wherever they may (probably looked crazy as I punched buttons frantically trying to remember which floor Donnie was on), I stayed put and said a prayer.

Meanwhile, hubby is outside and turns around to a hoard of homeless people who look like they have bloody teeth (betelnuts) and are so excited to see him. They come running over yelling in Chinese and rubbing their bodies all over. Donnie is a little concerned at this moment as they are lifting their shirts and rubbing their butts, seemingly asking Donnie to take off this clothes. They thought because of his tattoos that he was like the yakuza and tattooed from head to tail. Didn't help that he has some Japanese style tattoos. I was laughing my head off when he told me about the red-teethed homeless man rubbing his butt all jumping up and down twitching and yelling Chinese at him. I wish I could have seen this. As soon as the door opened and he saw us, he jumped on; we waved at probably 30 Chinese men whom I had no idea why they were so happy and Donnie's best friends. Happiest homeless people on the planet.

Speaking of tattoos, we covered them when we went to SLC as not to surprise the guests. Our in country coordinator saw them on the train and was quite surprised. Later, when the guests had left SLC, our coordinator and another social worker were talking about Donnie's tats and wanted to see them. He didn't know if it was rude to change in front of them so he turned his back to the corner. Giggling ensued from the two women and it made me laugh too. I missed the comments and gestures the women were making about his muscles, but Donnie didn't. One was making squishy handmotions as if to squeeze his arms, making woof woof noises of some kind, and smiling coyly, while the other was giggling and trying to shish her, covering her mouth and elbowing her. It was so funny.

Pigeons: In America, they are a nuisance. Taipei zoo... people chasing them trying to feed them and pet them. Grown men and children alike, chasing them down as I kinda grossed out. I wanted to yell, don't touch those dirty things. Nothing at all grossed me out in Taiwan... just that. There aren't many animals in the city so it must be a treat to see the birds. I just don't like pigeons even though they clean up the yuck.

Soy Sauce: My husband's co-worker asks what Milana's Chinese name is, when he says Hsiu-Yu, he says, "Your daughter's name is soy sauce?!" He's Hawaiian and proceeds to tell him that the way Hsiu-Yu is pronounced (show you) is soy sauce in Hawaii. I always knew she was full of flavor!

We went to the Urologist for Milana. While waiting in the room, I see the door slowly crack open and the doctor peeks his head in almost scared. Next he looks confused and starts speaking Chinese to me. I start laughing and say, I don't know Mandarin as he looks so relieved. He then starts speaking to Milana in Mandarin and I noticed her very confused look on her face. I tell him she speaks mostly Taiwanese and he goes, Aw man, I only know about 4 words in Taiwanese. He is very giddy and excited to see Milana and asks so many questions about her. He asks where my husband works, if he speaks Chinese, etc. and then says, so she is part Chinese and I say, "No she is full Chinese." Now the Doc's poor jaw drops open wide as he is either thinking, "This lady had tons of plastic surgery because she doesn't look Chinese" or "This lady is crazy." So I help out and say adopted. Ohh. He tells me he was so confused with her profile that said from Taiwan but the last name is so not Chinese. Now he's even more excited. He tells me that he is second generation Chinese and doesn't know Mandarin, that he is learning it from his son and that his son's tutor lives on his side of town and basically invites me to his son's tutor lessons. I love this doctor. He is so cool! He thinks it's so cool that we accidentally found him as I had no idea he was Chinese when we scheduled Milana's appt. Next the nurse comes in and he takes off, only to come back every couple minutes to tell me more things and ask more questions. He told me to check out Two Lions on youtube... this is what happened when I typed that in.

Enjoy some funny men that my husband and I found looking for Mandarin to teach our family. =0)


MOMO school... if you were wondering what your children watch in Taiwan, it's MOMO school. Milana knows all the songs and they also teach some English. Milana as best she can, has told us all about it. It's very cute... I'll put a youtube vid on this post.

1st Month Survival

Nika's invention. Check Video at the bottom. We found Nika and this invention upstairs. Oh to be this creative again! I loved being a kid.
Preemptive Shoe! j/j You'll realize what I mean when you read to the bottom. Auntie Rakel's shoes fit Milana nicely. This was another pirate moment.


Ok so I'm not on some deserted island in the South Pacific, but it is survival in a sense. It's been about 6 weeks home and I feel a ROUTINE coming on! So I'm going to attempt to write down some of what I've learned. First week home is honestly the survival week. Survive jet lag, crash course of "getting to know you", food, schedules of bathroom breaks, reactions to food, etc. Everything is a new adventure. No matter how many books you've read, you will never completely be prepared regardless of how you bring your child home. This post will kinda be a journal of what we did as well as a rough guide for anyone who brings home a toddler, especially one with vision difficulties.

Ideas for survival, utilize your natural talent to "ham it up". Instead of trying to jump in and teach your child by having them be the guinea... you get to be the star. Milana was scared to brush her teeth, bathe in a tub, scared of lights outside at night, didn't understand why we flush toilet paper, thought cleaning everything is what children do for fun, etc. If you have children already at home, USE them and they love it and crave that extra time with you. Milana started crying at bedtimes on cue almost as if that is just what you do at bedtime. We keep things super fun and upbeat so we decided to lie her down and go around (while she cried at first) and let her see how much fun we have putting the other kids to bed, same with baths, brushing teeth etc. Now, she thinks it's all a blast. She says Thank You! every time you brush her teeth. She loves her bed and now, allows Daddy to tuck her in and even lay with her until she falls asleep. Role play with hand puppets or dolls if you don't have other children. Keep it light and fun no matter how much crying there is. Supportive hugs and cuddle and kisses slowly bring on a round of thousand kisses every night to every inch of your face. We also used this time to name body parts, like eyes, ears, nose. Since our daughter can't see super well, we get in her face to show everything we do.

Gender roles. She didn't like calling Donnie Baba or Dada... she was very confused that he did the same stuff as myself so she decided we were both mama for about a month. She really didn't believe that a man could do all the mama stuff. It was freaky to her. Keep that in mind.

Food: ha ha Ok so she ate everything from the start but she also has no "stop button". The girl will eat until she is burping it up and then try to eat more. She was also extremely possessive about feeding herself, so she now is fed by me... sometimes I let her feed herself but only when she lets me alternate back and forth so she understands that I give her everything she needs. She screams for food anytime someone puts something in their mouth as a snack or otherwise. I have snack times every two hours with the kids and sometimes my blood-sugar gets low and I have to eat after them (not with them). Nika, Kole and Jadyn all know this but Milana flies into a frenzy if I eat and she doesn't. Well, that is what happens when people live on scarce mode (I know because food was very scarce during my childhood). She had blood work and her vitamin level was good, and I'm not saying that her foster family didn't feed her which is obvious they did. She either went into instinct scarce mode or she didn't have super plentiful food and was frightened it would disappear or "who is going to feed me now?". Either way, she is learning that she can wait for snack time and that there will always be enough food. We distract her with play. Sometimes I hide in the closet and eat cookies or chocolate! ha ha

Finding an achilles heel: Milana's is music. Tried food, touch, smells, colors, visual anything, eye contact. Her's was found by accident. I always sing to her and one time the kids were watching a movie and Milana recognized one of the songs I have sang to her and squealed with so much enthusiasm, ran to my arms, grabbed my face and insisted I sing it. So I got the idea of singing a song and then using youtube to show her.... oh it worked like magic! It was as if she had learned songs in her life but her life long dream was to have someone sing them with her. So tantilize your child's senses, find the magic.

Dates with other children.... HUGE MUST! We've spent the last month taking daily temperatures of the kids of who needs the extra emotional attention that day. We spend time alone with each one each day but sometimes one needs a little extra something. You can tell immediately who it is and they seem to take turns (most of the time it's not all at once). Milana needs us all the time which is expected, but lately she has had moments where she is content (and not hitting) and playing with the others. That is when I sit back and watch. I don't want to interfere with their connecting time together.

Habits/Survival Skills/Cultural Differences. Changes. Let's face it; if a child were to move next door, their whole world and even culture changes. We have family skills that Milana has to learn. Here in my house I run a tight shift. Didn't realize how tight until we brought Milana home. Hitting is just not going to fly; neither is being a "snatchy pants". Those were two habits that had to go. So did scream and drop to the ground at mom's feet when we wanted picked up. We changed that quickly to "Up Please" So much nicer. How we did it: other kids demonstrated for us. That's how we actually had everything accomplished the last month. If your child is an only child and you're having difficulties, might I suggest you borrow some kids in your neighborhood from friends, families, neighbors. You can also use puppets or videos or books about this. Milana doesn't do well with TV as she can't focus with her eyes.

Culture: Keep it alive! Honestly, it made her sad before when I sang Taiwanese songs or played them or showed her pictures, but now she is coming around with a much more peaceful way of listening and looking at them. Even if she went into a Taiwanese family, it would be different for her. Of course, we are the ultimate different probably, but it doesn't mean I shut her off from what is familiar and comfortable. it may bring sadness and reflection but she is now running to me at breakneck speed anytime she hears me sing in Chinese or look at pictures or watch a show. She holds my face lovingly and rubs my cheeks and snuggles in for a hold.

Getting along: Well, that one comes with a love hate relationship for sure. We decided to do games with them that require group effort or the game won't work. Such as playing with a parachute. We bought one at Walmart with reinforced handles. See, we think Milana was a pirate in a former life ;0) "Take all you can, give nothing back." In this game... you can't snag anything and if you don't work together, no fun. So beware the Pirate. Also, sometimes children who can't see well resemble Stitch... they lick everything (the windows at McDonald's playhouse and any and all other surfaces... including people. The eating of anything that may resemble food. All these are actually very endearing.

Complaining: I'm not writing any of this as a complaint or vent... just it is what it is and we are having fun figuring each other out. I'm sure if you all studied me and my habits, you'd be scared. ha ha Each of my kids have odd habits and we fit them in to the family nicely, so Milana and her quirks fit right in.

Books are great for demonstrating opposites. That's important. Sounds odd but it is! I love Maisy books. Get TONS of baby board books from the library. Board books important as they usually withstand the brute force of your new little Hercules. I use a mei tai carrier (forward facing) when we go shopping or to the library. It helps her focus on my eyes better because she is 6 inches away and she doesn't have to stare at strangers in a stroller. Carts are fine but they just don't give the closeness I want.

I jumped right in with my rules and positive and negative reinforcements (aka discipline)... I did it with love and it is paying off big a month later. Milana knows what is expected of her and she knows what happens when she follows and what happens when she doesn't. It has hugely helped our other children's relationship with her as they see us being consistent. My kids understand that they are raised uniquely and according to their needs...we don't choose sides and we don't promote sibling rivalry. This was a hard concept for Milana because she thinks everyone should get everything equally (or mainly, she should have everything). Nobody said life was fair and if I teach that, I'm setting all my kids up for disappointment. It doesn't mean I'm not loving when things aren't fair. I'm sympathetic and show love, but I can't give in just because they want it. I had 9 siblings, I know you don't get everything everyone else did... and I am just fine. No greedy meany here.

Of course with setting the rules, you get to see a very ticked off child, but I hang out with her until the episode is over and then off we go to learn more about the world. This too shall pass. When things get rough and you have those "crazy thoughts", I take a breather... either get hubby, family, someone to take over for a few minutes while I recoup. if no one is available, I place children in front of tv with learning video (Milana strapped into high-chair) and I step away with some food and a nice quiet corner. Stay sane, get sleep, eat well and you can handle it all. Both Donnie and I agreed this is easier than bringing home a newborn. Just our own thoughts. So we are still plugging along and I could see things not feeling all together for a good 6 months or even a year, but we have all improved together as a family by leaps and bounds.

Ok... I'm sure I'm forgetting tons that I wanted to say but oh well. And really, I'm not up for anyone complaining about how I'm doing something or saying that I'm complaining so here is a preemptive "stick a shoe in it or suck on my big toe". If you have suggestions, ideas or techniques, I LOVE THEM. By the way, this is not aimed at anyone specific. I have just had worries about posting my parenting styles and someone blasting them, as well as, saying I'm not doing something correctly or complaining about my expectations etc. (which is part of the reason my posts are fewer) but I'm back to my braver self now. Next post will be a bit more fun. I have to write it all down before i forget.

Oh one more, write down all your thoughts you are having in a notebook, in country at home... all of them, even the ones that are somewhat raw. It helps process thoughts and later if you want to make them more "politically correct" you can recall them. =0)

redirect Baobei

Something this good needs to be shared. =0) Lots of Babies to gaze at in this video with a beautiful lullaby to sing to your children. Judy has this post about her son's 2nd birthday (HaPpY BiRtHdAy Little Keeper of the Cherub Cheeks, Mr. William!) and I had to pass along the sweet song that Judy unknowningly has given to me as a present.

Milana is now curled up in my arms looking into my eyes rocking with me, as we both sing and listen to this song. I've given Milana bits and pieces everyday of things that are inheirantly her's from Taiwan. Sometimes, they make her sad and reflective but she does crave them. She often times becomes more determined to work on family skills and English, after we look at pictures of her past or listen to Mandarin and Taiwanese. She has become very cuddly and loving during these times of reflection and I see this as a good sign. I want her to give her opportunities to process the changes around her no matter what emotions arise. How can she understand her future without understanding the present and past? I may not have all her language nor she mine, but we have a connection deeper and I feel something very strong coming from role playing and keeping her connected to all things Milana Lee Hsiu-Yu... my little neu neu.

Doc update: She has intermittent exotropia strabismus, but her vision is good (she does have it more than 80% of the time). She is a canidate for surgery but we have to wait until we measure her eye muscles a few more times. She has another appt. in two months. Her coordination and running into walls and falling down should improve greatly. Until then, we make sure we get right in her line of vision a.k.a. "up in your face" so she can see us. Finding ways to make eye contact has been a challenge but one we have taken on and seem to finding tricks to get her to focus on us. One thing is for certain: we will give her everything she needs to help her. She is such a joy. Each day, she pulls tighter on our heart strings and has become such an important unique part of our lives. We love you Milana.

Before I Forget

Blurry 4th of July pic with Auntie Rakel & Uncle Aaron. Milana liked the fireworks a bit too much and would have been burned had I not taken the car-seat out of the car and strapped her in over and over until she got the hint (she wouldn't hold still in my arms and I ran out of arm power), "Don't run in the street little missy!" She wasn't thrilled at first but earned freedom in the end and now is a champion stay on the curb girl!

This is what ten children look like. 6 neices and nephews and my four! There are ten, just one is hidden.
Milana thought "The Thing" was sooo funny!
Miss P got a new do! Kole's teacher! Milana is raiding Kole's bed while he's not looking. haha
Yeah... Mom just cut my hair and I don't have hair in my eyes anymore! Oh, someone asked if her hair is curly... well it was permed before we met her. We had to cut it off to make it healthy again... it had started to break off when we combed it.
First Dress Up Princess Day!
More of her hair cut (there are bangs but I pinned them back)
Hoooorrraaaayyyy! I'm being sneaky and climbing on Mom's eliptical... oh no, that's a camera, I'm caught!
This one is just funny. I found her in the play-room in this bucket. I carried it out to Dad with her in it! I had to get a picture!
Before I forget, I want to write about the moments that steal your heart and make giant crocodile tears well up in your eyes (thank goodness I don't have time to put on mascara). We've been working on a lot of family skills, basically 24/7 and it takes a lot of patience. I said a big prayer last night that Milana would start to really understand.

One of the things we've been working on is kitchen etiquette when Mom cooks... aka, get to your high-chair if you can't keep your hands off the stove or what I am cutting etc. So Milana can smell things a mile away (loves food beyond love). She saw me today starting lunch and instead of diving into full destruct the kitchen mode, she climbs on a chair and slyly looks at me. I can't resist and start ping-pong calling silly things. Instead of taking this as a green light to destroy.... she runs to me and says, "Please up". I lean down and give her a huge hug and tell her, "Mommy can't right now, mommy making food, cooking food, num-nums. Please Wait". Instead of huge tears, I get "ok mama" and she smiles and starts to walk away. Then she turns and runs back and clinches my leg and whispers, 'Momma is Awesome.!" Then she puckers up for a kiss.

Ok, tears is not the word. I full out sobbed. I've still been slightly crying for hours. That was the best gift ever.

Friday we go to the pediatric opthomologist... wish us luck. I'll be updating more. I'll back-track a bit but I'm finally getting a bit more of a handle on a routine. Whew. Much love, Sara